The ability to connect varies from moment to moment.
High negative emotion allows for profound disconnect so that it at least appears that the ability to empathize disappears.
The apparent inability to empathize is often seen by other as incomprehensible in direct proportion to their ability to be interested in the un-empathic partner. If this interest is not directed at resolving negative emotion shame usually ensues and now the interested one avoids and becomes less empathetic due now to their own higher negative emotion.
The apparent inability to empathize is often seen by other as incomprehensible in direct proportion to their ability to be interested in the un-empathic partner. Connection usually ensues if and only if that interest is concerned with the others negative emotion.
Anything that lowers negative affect frees positive affect.
The conditions under which negative emotion can be reduced and connection achieved can only be based on recognition of the emotional stance of the more negatively charged person.
As disconnect does depend on one person or group having high negative affect and the other person or group having high negative affect and or interest, connection can start with unilateral interest.
He who is interested has to articulate, in some fashion, recognition of and a demonstration of understanding of the negative in the other.
Connection comes form the mutual recognition of pain.
The motivation of the interested party is their own pain, recognized or not and albeit less then the other, of not being able to fulfill their interest, interest in connecting with other.