Or The Remembrance of Things Past.
Think of the big things like death and taxes.
Then think of your mate leaving the cap off the toothpaste.
Let’s take a poll. Which is more important!?
What is the difference? Why is the tooth paste cap ‘more important’
The little things are symbols for the bigger things.
But healthy emotion is meant for taking care of business now! Not past business or further business.
Am I disgusted? Am I angry? Am I scared?
It is obvious if there is a rat in the room why one would be disgusted.
It is obvious if there is a man in the room with a gun why we would be fearful.
It is obvious if I insult you why you would be angry.
It is not obvious why you are upset that the toothpaste cap is not in place.
It is not obvious why you are upset that the cereal box is not put back .
It is not obvious why my boss continually gives me instructions that do not make sense.
Of course we need to remember and dream of the future but it is all a matter of degree.
Oh that all memory and dream would be pleasant. But it is not.
The deal is the human is too good at generalizing. We are too good at summarizing. We are too good at saying this is like this.
Well almost. When it works it works fantastically well. It is the nub of great discovery. When it works poorly it is the root of pain, frustration, divorce, withdrawal, attack and avoiding feeling.
The big things I cannot control but I can try and control you.
Why is this?
Memory is everything.
The toothpaste cap is a trigger. A trigger to what? A trigger to a bag of memories.
This is like this.
What is your trigger?
Boss telling you to do better when you know you are doing fine?
A frown form a loved one?
The smell of barbecue.
The client telling you to change the purchase order.
The patient ignoring your advice.
We all have them.
Are you? Surprised by the smell of barbecue? Does it make you angry? Are you interested and then feel sad? Are you joyful? Ever wonder why?
What do you think guys? Could it be memory?
Triggers ignite one of nine ‘feeling’: Interest, Joy, Surprise, Anger, Fear, Distress, Disgust, Dissmell, and Shame. Once that switch is thrown there is no turning back. Similar memory WILL be recruited.
Then what? Then we are going to do something. We are going to stop, look and listen and learn from what is going on or we will run away attack something or try and avoid the new valuable information.
So next time the cap is off, the door is open, the seat is…. Down.. up?… give the Guy or Gal a break ! It is NOT them it is YOUR memory playing tricks on you. You just meet the enemy and guess who! Instead in that moment learn something about how YOU are put together!
Oh or alternatively in that moment think of some joyful event of things past and have some fun!
Ooophs! Don’t sweat Death and Taxes!
An online discussion on this paper can be found at: DISCUSSION
Comments sought and appreciated, positive or constructive.
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I’ts The Little Things SHAME AND PRIDE: Affect, Sex, and the Birth of the Self, DonaldL.
Nathanson. © 1999 773-202-7991 PHONE
SHAME AND PRIDE: Affect, Sex, and the Birth of the Self, DonaldL. Nathanson.